I'd like to thank the Easter ham. It was delicious on the holiday and days immediately thereafter, and its long-refrigerated remains were perfect to make hot ham water with. But I'd like to apologize for forgetting about it in the stockpot until it became readily apparent that no amount of reboiling would make it okay for human consumption, and then abandoning it on the counter for far too long as it faded into the background of dishes to be washed. Easter ham, I am truly sorry. What a waste. Stockpot, you are lucky I like and need you, otherwise I'd be tempted to dump you along with your contents in the trash.
Birch trees, I thank you. Thank you for letting us tap your trunks this spring. Wow, some of you produced a lot of water! Way too much for us to drink, and even way too much for us to boil down into syrup. But we sure tried. How many propane tanks did we go through? How many hours of boiling that stupidly huge pot on the deck, with the wind blowing out the stupid stupid flame, refilling the pot with endless buckets of infinite birch water until finally we had a gallon of rich, dark almost-syrup ready for one last boil.
So, thank you birches. And sorry. Sorry for taking that last precious, hard-won gallon of sap and pouring it into the dutch oven on the stove inside ... and then forgetting it while it boiled down to an infinitely black carbon ring. I am truly sorry, birches. But shout out to vinegar, baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, boiling water, and elbow grease for eventually removing the diamond-hard ring encrusting the precious Le Creuset. I couldn't have done it without you. I love you all. Goodnight!
